Securely Insecure

One does wonder, on occasion, why one is the way that one may be.

I, for one, tend to keep to myself save with those that I know. I'm not an overly affectionate type. I'm more for the small things as opposed to going over the top. The small things can make all the difference positively or negatively. I am stubborn. I am shy. I tend to remain to myself and observe those around. But sometimes...

..I am discontented.

Often, actually.

For why is it that I can't meet people that are genuinely interested in me? Why can't I make friends so easily? Why can't I... Just...Why can't I?

Why is it that the people (mainly females in this context, but in general also) who get attention, who are surrounded by people, who don't have to try so damn hard to make the very few friends that they have are not me?

Do I have to wear so little clothing? Toss what intelligence I do have away? Make my sexuality overly obvious? Do I have to do those things to make friends? Meet people? Succeed in the social scene?

I have enough issues with who I am, how I look, and all of that without someone that I care a great deal for helping make those things more obvious. Even if they don't mean to.

It hurts.

It doesn't matter though.

I won't say a word.

Always,
Ophelia.